Hello World

Did you enjoy your lunch, mom? You drank it fast enough. It’s Sunday, but screw it — juice box time. I need a fake passport, preferably to France… I like the way they think.

Oh, hi, Mom. I have the afternoon free. Really? Did “nothing” cancel? Well, obviously, I’m not a big guy. I’m not a Carl Weathers, par example. I think that’s one of Mom’s little fibs, you know, like I’ll sacrifice anything for my children.

Boy, I sure feel like a Mary without a Peter and a Paul. In the mid ’90s, Tobias formed a folk music band with Lindsay and Maebe which he called Dr. Funke’s 100 Percent Natural Good Time Family Band Solution. The group was underwritten by the Natural Food Life Company, a division of Chem-Grow, an Allen Crayne acqusition, which was part of the Squimm Group. Their motto was simple: We keep you alive. I am having a love affair with this.  Daddy horny, Michael.

If this were a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break. But it wasn’t. Everybody dance… NOW.

The only thing I found in the fridge was a dead dove in a bag. Stop licking my hand, you horse’s ass. Taste the happy, Michael! Taste it! What have we always said is the most important thing?

Even though so many people in this office are begging for it. How do you know Steve Holt? Are you in AA? Stop it, stop it. This objectification of women has to stop. It’s just Mom and whores. Do you have any idea how often you say the word “afraid”? Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi. I will pack your sweet pink mouth with so much ice cream you’ll be the envy of every Jerry and Jane on the block! I’m gonna build me an airport, put my name on it. Why, Michael? So you can fly away from your feelings? A trick is something a whore does for money…or candy. … or cocaine.

If you’re suggesting I play favorites, you’re wrong. I love all of my children equally. I don’t care for Gob. Ann certainly has a great deal of Mass.

Gosh Mom… after all these years, God’s not going to take a call from you. Today I learned this is a real place, tho more lush than the OC.

That was Tom Cruise, the actor. They said he was some kind of scientist. I figured out a way to make money while I’m working! It’s sort of like going from prime rib to… I don’t know… weird brother of prime rib. If I wanted something your thumb touched I’d eat the inside of your ear. So maybe you could start jete-ing, and stop je-terrorizing me! Tobias is Queen Mary. Hey, it was one night of wild passion! Michael: And yet you didn’t notice her body? Gob: I like to look in the mirror.

How do you know Steve Holt? Are you in AA? He… she… what’s the difference? Oh hear, hear. In the dark, it all looks the same. Interfere? I ought to pull down your pants and spank your ass raw. Michael: I’m sorry, have we met? When a man needs to prove to a woman that he’s actually… When a man loves a woman… It’s so watery. And yet there’s a smack of ham to it. However, she mistook the drowsy eye alcohol warning for a winking eye alcohol suggestion. And although the intervention didn’t work, it turned into one of the Bluth family’s better parties. Fried cheese… with club sauce. Popcorn shrimp… with club sauce. Chicken fingers… with spicy club sauce.

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